Words as a medium of exchange

In light of all the usual moaning and groaning and accusation-flinging about negative reviews -- on Amazon and elsewhere -- I thought this experience of mine was particularly telling.  It's not the negative reviews you should be suspicious of; it's the positive ones.



The transaction was, I thought, a simple and straightforward one.

A few weeks before Christmas, I ordered two items from an Amazon affiliated vendor, to be given as gifts to two different people.  The items were similar, but not identical, and the slight difference was important in determining which recipient received which item.

The order arrived in plenty of time for the holidays, in excellent condition and with a couple of bonus items that were a pleasant surprise.  Unfortunately, the two primary items were packed in identical, unmarked, sealed boxes, with no way to determine which was which.  This was annoying.

My only option was to wrap the gifts and hope that they went to the correct recipients.  If not, I would have to explain the problem and then the two individuals could either swap the gifts or, if the difference wasn't significant enough to them, they could keep them as is.   It turned out that I guessed correctly and there was no problem.   But I was still annoyed and planned to post a review to that effect after the holidays.  It would have been a simple matter, it seemed to me, for the vendor just to stamp the distinguishing feature on the otherwise unmarked boxes.

I was surprised, however, to discover a separate piece of paper included in the box with the merchandise and my Amazon invoice.

It read:

Thank you for your order.  We would like you to write a product review for our [insert product #1 name].  After you have written and submitted the review we will send you a second [insert product #1 name] for FREE to the address on your invoice.  Please allow 7-14 days for the package to arrive.

And then it is signed by the vendor.

After this text is an image of a typical Amazon order page, showing the buyer's account and orders, a description of the product, and the various feedback buttons:  Return or Replace Item; Leave Seller Feedback;  Leave Package/Delivery Feedback; Write a Product Review.  Then comes more text:

We would like you to write a product review!  Product reviews are fun and simple to complete.  Under your account select the "your orders" tab, find this order and then select the button that says "write a product review".

There is a big arrow pointing to the appropriate button on the image.

And then there's a big black line under all that, followed by more text:

If for any reason you are not satisfied with this order please let us know before you write your review.  We have a complete customer satisfaction policy and believe this is an excellent 5-star product!

The note closes with their email address and phone number.


When I went to the product's page and discovered it has well over 50 5-star ratings, I began to feel a niggle of suspicion.  Had all these 5-star ratings been purchased by the seller with a promise of a another free [insert product #1 name]?

I fired off a Seller Feedback note explaining only that I would love to leave a product review, but I couldn't follow their directions because the button wasn't active.  I wrote:

Packed in the box with my order was a note from you regarding product reviews.  I would like to leave a product review but can't because the "Write a Product Review" button doesn't show on the "My Order" page.

FYI -- I was very pleased with the products and with their prompt arrival, in plenty of time for the holidays.  I did have one minor complaint/suggestion, but you'll have to figure out how to allow me to leave a genuine product review.

Within a couple of hours -- on a Sunday afternoon! -- I received the following reply via email:

Linda:

What is your minor complaint/ suggestion?

Please advise.

Thanks,

 My scamdar was pinging wildly.  So I wrote back:

Excuse me, [vendor's name redacted], but my complaint/suggestion is intended for the review, not for private discussion. 

The note included with my order says: 

"Thank you for your order.  We would like you to write a product review for our [insert product #1 name].  After you have written and submitted the review we will send you a second [insert product #1 name] for FREE to the address on your invoice.  Please allow 7-14 days for the package to arrive."

It is then followed by a screen shot of a typical Amazon order page, with an arrow pointing to the "Write a Product Review" button. 

HOWEVER -- my order page does not have that button; instead it has "Contact Seller" and "Leave Seller Feedback" buttons, neither of which leads to the product review page.

Or am I required to submit my review to you for approval before it can be posted? 

Is it possible that this vendor is essentially buying 5-star reviews with a promise of free merchandise?  Is the vendor requiring that any product reviews be vetted by them in order to "qualify" for the free merchandise?  Is this practice potentially a violation of Federal Trade Commission regulations?  Did any of those reviewers state that they had received a free [insert product #1 name] in return for their review?

I wanted to leave an unbiased, honest review of this product.  Would my review -- which would probably have been at least a 4-star -- be buried under all those glowing 5-star reviews that no one will ever know might have been "bought" with free merchandise?

Recent events in the book review community have suggested that perhaps false positive reviews are much more readily ignored by those who have a vested interest in selling books (meaning, Amazon and now GoodReads as part of Amazon); and that sales-damaging negative reviews, even though they're scrupulously honest, may put the reviewer's account and reviewing career at risk.  Writers have inveighed against the negative reviews of their books even while establishing sock puppet accounts to 5-star their own or their friends' books.  (And, to be sure, they've often 1-starred their reviewers' books whenever possible.)

With the integration of Amazon and Goodreads, I think we really have to wonder which will win out:  The quest for sales, or the honest reviewer?  I'm afraid we probably all know the answer to that question already.


After I had written that, the issue continued to develop.  The latest update:

A few hours after I had sent my email to the vendor, I received a reply which stated:

Linda:

Thanks for ordering from us and bringing to our attention that you were not completely satisfied with your purchase. 

We have refunded you the full cost of this item with shipping. This should appear in your account in the next 24 hours.

Please continue to enjoy the [product] and we appreciate any honest and fair feedback you would like to provide.  We prefer that complaints/suggestions be discussed prior to leaving product feedback and reviews (as a reply to this message or by calling us).  In this way, we have a chance to correct or explain an issue or concern.  This will insure your feedback and/or review would include how we dealt with your complaint or suggestion. 

Links and buttons for feedback and reviews are only accessible to the buyer (you).  We do not review or edit feedback or reviews before you (the buyer) post.

Sincerely, 

At that point I didn't know if they were going to refund the purchase price of both items or only the one that was mentioned in the note requesting a review.  Either way, however, I felt very uncomfortable with this.  I felt as if my silence had been purchased.  How can you complain about something you got for free?  Ultimately, the refund was processed for just the one item, which was fine.  I guess.  I'm still not comfortable with it.

I'm even less comfortable because the issue should have been handled differently.  Apparently the reason I can't leave a product review directly from my order page is because the page is designed to give the vendor the chance to fix problems, and the vendor should have known that.  In looking at my ordering history, any order that is fulfilled by Amazon -- even if purchased from another vendor -- can be reviewed directly from the order page via the "Write a Product Review" button.  If the order is not fulfilled by Amazon, then there is only the "Leave Seller Feedback" option. 

Regardless how or why the process didn't work the way it was explained with my order, I'm left wondering how many of those reviews were left by people whose opinions might have been colored by the prospect of free merchandise they received in exchange for a review.  And I also have to wonder if the offer of free merchandise violates Federal Trade Commission Regulations.  Most customers know nothing about FTC rules, or believe that those rules don't apply to individuals.  But Amazon does, and GoodReads does, and the vendors ought to know, too.

And maybe the vendor shouldn't require reviews in order to get free merchandise.  Back in the 1950s we called it Payola, and it's illegal.

A few words to set your hearts at ease

Those of you who know who you are, that is.

This is a personal note to a few people who seem to have their knickers in a twist after they stalked me to a popular website and saw something they thought was bad behavior on my part.  I want to assure them that I was not doing what they thought I was doing.  I'm sure they will sleep better at night knowing this.

When I came to Goodreads something over a year ago, I began cataloguing my books.  I think it's absolutely wonderful that Goodreads has this fantastic database of books I have and would like to have.

The first phase of my personal cataloguing was to enter the books I already own.  I had a spreadsheet for most of them, or about 1700 titles.  I slowly, in my spare time, began entering those.

Next came the now over 2,000 Kindle titles, many of them new and not even in the Goodreads database.  Some I added myself to Goodreads; some I just waited for.

I also added specific titles to my "wish list" shelf, which is for books I know about and would like to acquire or read someday.  Many of these came as Goodreads recommendations, links from other books I'd listed, or from personal friends.  Some came from Amazon links.

As I worked my way through this agglomeration, I also added owned books that had not originally been on my spreadsheet or books I've acquired since creating the spreadsheet.  I'm still not finished with this listing.  There are two huge bookcases in the living room that haven't been inventoried yet.  I add those books as I think of them or find time.

I've also started listing the books that are out in my studio, which is not part of the house; I haven't even begun to tackle to 20+ boxes still in storage in the workshop. 

Yes, I have a lot of books.

But how was I going to keep track of the enormous bunches of books I wanted to explore?  How could I quickly put them into a separate category of books I wanted to find, books I hoped would appear on Kindle?

A few days ago, I set up a Goodreads shelf for these to-be-explored books, titled "new-new."  I found, however, that it was very tedious to go to the pages for the authors I was interested in checking out and adding those titles to my created shelf.  Nor did I want to add them to my "want to read" shelf via the UGB because in fact I was also adding new titles to that -- books I already had but hadn't entered.  I wanted a way to segregate these easily and quickly.

Here's what I did:

I started by going to the Bodice Ripper Readers Anonymous group, which was the first group I joined when I became a Goodreads member.  (It should go without saying that as a writer of historical romances, I also read a lot of them.)  I knew there was a list of Zebra books with links to the authors.  From that list I clicked on the authors, and added all the titles I didn't already have in my Goodreads library.  Anything I did have showed up on the buttons, so I simply clicked on the one-star, thus adding all those books to my standard Goodreads "read" shelf.

It was a simple matter to sort those books by date added and then batch-edit those books to move them to my "new-new" shelf.  While it's slightly more tedious to remove the one-star ratings, that task can be accomplished while I continue adding the books and authors I'm interested in.  And again, it can be conveniently -- if tediously -- done from that exclusive shelf.

So here's a word to those who have accused me doing something nasty: 

It's just not wise to ascribe nefarious motives to people you really don't know.  It can make you look like an utter fool.  Not to mention, a cyberstalker.

A few words about cyberbullying

Goodreads doesn't allow it.

Period.

If you're reading horror stories about heinous threats on the website that hosts literally millions and millions of readers and thousands and thousands of authors, that's just what they are: stories.  Or, in words of one syllable, lies.  Just plain lies.

Goodreads is a wonderful place, full of fun and laughter and kindness and sarcasm and honesty (sometimes brutal honesty, but still honesty) and all kinds of different people with all kinds of different opinions.

I wish I had found Goodreads years ago, but I'm glad I've found it now.

Do I like everyone there?  No, I don't.  Do I agree with everyone there?  No, I don't.  You won't either.

Would you like the truth about what happened last week on Goodreads?  The truth as supported by actual evidence rather than shrieks and wails of people who adamantly claim they saw something but have no evidence to back up their claims?

Try going here to get some more information, complete with screen shots of what actually was posted on Goodreads.  Not satisfied?  Try this one. 

I'm one of the so-called "bullies" of Goodreads.  I'm a "bully" because I dare to tell the truth and some people just can't handle it.  The writing business isn't for sissies, and that hasn't changed since the days of the bone stylus on a tablet of soft clay. 

But the writing and reading business isn't for bullies either.  It's not for threats of physical harm, it's not for retaliating against people you don't agree with by publishing their private information, it's not for accusing people of crimes they never committed.  None of that is allowed on Goodreads, because that's really bullying.

A word or twelve about bad books

Sometimes, my dear, it's not all about you.  Partly, maybe, but not all.  And sometimes it really and truly has nothing to do with you.

Someone just read your book, hated it, and left a scathing review.  And you immediately take it personally because -- gasp! -- it couldn't possibly be about the book!  No one reads books they hate!

Uh, sorry to tell you this, my dear, but sometimes people most certainly do read books they hate.

Sometimes it's really fun to read something horrible. Sometimes a reader is just in the kind of mood that she wants to read something so badly written that she feels like gouging her eyes out.  Maybe her personal life is in turmoil and she needs to take out some frustration.  Maybe she's a writer who's in the middle of self-doubts and she needs to read something just ghastly to remind her she's better than someone.   There are a lot of reasons why people actually enjoy reading books they hate.  The Eye of Argon is still out there because crap is sometimes fun.   And ripping the crap to shreds can be as cathartic as chopping wood or running a marathon or piecing a quilt or burning 25-year-old bank statements. Different strokes and all that.

Unfortunately, there are still people today who are uploading to Kindle and Smashwords books and stories and novellas that are every bit as craptastic as that 1970s sword and sorcery tale written by 16 year old Jim Theis.   These writers probably didn't intend their works to be craptastic, but some of their readers see them that way.  And they review accordingly.

Is there sometimes an element of personal animosity against the author, to the point that the shitty review seems to be a personal attack?  Perhaps sometimes there is, and sometimes perhaps it's even justified.

But that's a determination the author of the book receiving the bad review can't make.  She can't get into the mind and motives of the reviewer; she has no way of knowing what's going on in the reviewer's real life that prompted her to write the snarky review.  Maybe her favorite aunt died or she lost her job or she burned the chicken or her kid threw a tantrum because he wanted to wear his pajamas to school.  Who knows?  There could be any reason at all . . . including that she thought it was a shitty book.

Ultimately, those reviews, as mean-spirited as they may seem to be, are still of the writing. They may appear to suggest that the writer is a moron for writing such shit and thinking it's worthy of the time the reader gives to it, but it still goes back to the writing.  That's what the reviewer sees, that's what she reads, that's what she reviews.

When the writer can't separate herself from the writing, when she takes that negative review personally and lashes out at the reviewer and denies there can be any validity in the reviewer's mean comments about the writing, she cannot hope to improve her writing. She's locked herself into defending the indefensible. 

This same principle holds if the author does other things (sock puppet accounts, plagiarism, shill reviews) to counter that negative review.   She's not being honest, especially with herself, about the need to improve her product.  She has taken the mean words as being about her, rather than about her writing.  She knows she's not a bad person, therefore the mean words are meaningless.  Ergo, she doesn't have to fix her writing and she's really a great writer after all, just like Aunt Eleanor told her!  Everyone who tells her she isn't a good writer is just a mean person, a bad person, a troll, a liar, a jealous failed author, a psychopath, a rapist, a murderer.  (Yes, Virginia, reviewers have been called murderers for writing bad reviews.  I kid you not.)

Sometimes it is, however, at least partly about the author.  And sometimes the reviewer's anger is justified.

Was I being mean in 1990 when I called Romantic Times and told them Sylvie Sommerfield had stolen Jan Westcott's The Hepburn?   I suppose so.   Did I get a malicious thrill from sending photocopies of relevant pages of both books to RT?   Yes, I did.   I was furious at Sommerfield, and furious at Zebra (who had just become my publisher!!) for allowing that shit to happen.   Did I get a certain satisfaction when I posted the review to GR 20+ years later?   Yeah, I did, because it pissed me off that the Sommerfield book was still getting 5-star ratings from people who probably didn't know the truth.

It all goes back to "If you didn't want comments on it, you shouldn't have published it." Period. End of discussion. STFU.  Because you don't -- you can't -- know what motivates the reviewer.

And that's why reviews from real readers have to be untouchable. And by real readers -- no quotation marks -- I mean anyone other than the author, provided they disclose any relevant information regarding connections they may have to the author.   Paid shill reviews?  Sure, as long as they do so with full disclosure.  Let them post reviews so long as the world knows that review is essentially a commercial paid for by the author.  Let the readers see that the author is so desperate to be read that she's willing to pay people to read it and review it.  (If she weren't desperate, she wouldn't be doing it.)  Friends and family? Yeah, let them post reviews so long as the world knows there's a connection and they can't be unbiased.   Editors?   Illustrators?   Sure.   With full disclosure, so the readers know who's who and who to trust as unbiased.

Ultimately, the reviews have to be untouchable, regardless what the reviewer's intent may be. No one can determine that but the reviewer; the reader of the review might have an idea or an opinion, but the reviewer is the only one who really knows. If I review a self-published historical romance and shred it from page one to The End, people may think I'm just trying to hurt my competition. They should be allowed to think that.   But I should also be allowed to write the review.   Readers aren't stupid. They can figure out what's going on.

They can also read the book for themselves and make up their own minds.  Because that's who reviews are for:  They're for other readers.  A review is one reader's opinion, offered to other readers so they can make their own decisions whether to read the book or not.  A review -- which is not the same as a critique -- is not for the author.

An author who claims she doesn't mind negative reviews as long as they're constructive is missing the point entirely.  Reviewers don't owe the author anything.  Nothing.  And that includes the readers who are angry at being spammed on Goodreads, on Amazon, on Twitter, on Facebook, on personal blogs, via email.  That includes readers who are tired of seeing the exact same cover template used on book after book after crappy book.  That includes readers who feel misled about the content of the book.  That includes readers who feel they've been overcharged for the book.  That includes readers who have just had a really shitty day and need to vent their frustration on something, someone.  That includes readers who are nit-picky grammar dragons who go ballistic when there are sixteen tense changes, three POV flips, and twenty-seven misspelled words on the first page, and who go on to read the whole fucking book just because they want to rip the terrible writing to shreds.  They have the right to do that.

Not that it makes any difference to many people, but I will defend a reviewer, even if she (or he) is vicious in a review long before I will defend a writer who says the vicious review hurt her feelings.  Because maybe the reviewer had a reason that had nothing whatsoever to do with the author.  Nothing at all.

Sometimes, my dear, it just isn't about you at all. 

A few words about a jacket

Several years ago I made myself a quilted jacket.

Most of the women in my circle of acquaintances had lots more money to burn than I, and they all had nifty little jackets to wear on chilly days.  I didn't have any such jacket, and certainly not a closet full of them.  So I searched the Internet for a design.   After I found several that I liked, I created a pattern that incorporated elements of each, and made myself a jacket.

The prototype turned out all right, but it wasn't perfect.  I knew where I'd made mistakes, where I should have made adjustments to the pattern to make it fit better.  But that's what a prototype is for -- to work out the bugs.

The first time I wore the jacket, someone wanted to buy it, literally right off my back.  I told her I could make her another, though it wouldn't be quite the same fabrics, but it would be better constructed, wouldn't have flaws.  She said she didn't care about the flaws. . . . . until I pointed them out to her.  A misplaced buttonhole.  A too-narrow seam.  I told her I wanted to make sure any jacket she got from me was properly made for lots of comfortable wear.  When I delivered the jacket to her a week later and showed her the improvements I'd made and how much better quality this was than the prototype, she thanked me for my honesty and promptly ordered another as a gift for a friend.

Not too long after that, some friends invited me to go with them to the local "swap meet," which is one of those big commercial operations with several hundred vendors hawking everything from belts to golf clubs to cactus gardens to artisan bread to surplus cosmetics to toys to books to you name it.  In one of the "shops" featuring imported clothing, we stopped to look at . . . jackets.  Some were actually quite similar to the design I had used, but of course close inspection revealed seams that were already coming apart, mismatched buttons, loose threads, poorly stitched hems.  Though the jackets were priced about 75% lower than the two I had made and sold, they weren't even worth that bargain price.  They didn't look like they'd stand up to a single hand washing; mine were made to be thrown in the washer and dryer with no special treatment.

As one of the women remarked when we walked away from the display, "You'd think people would have more pride than to put that kind of junk out for sale.  And why would anyone buy that crap?  I'd be afraid it'd fall apart the first time I wore it."

And that's even taking into consideration that the people selling it are not the people who made it.

But I replied to her, as someone whose arts & craft products (Remember?  I make jewelry and stuff) directly competes with that flea market merchandise, "Many people don't know any better.  The stuff is cheap, and they buy it because they can.  And when it falls apart, they shrug and go out and buy another."

So there's all this cheap junky clothing in our flea markets and our stores, and thousands of women die because someone has to make an obscene profit off it.  No one seems to deny that a lot of it is garbage, and yet neither is anyone driving that point home: People die so other people can buy garbage.  And we know this doesn't make any sense, so why do we do it?  And I don't want anyone to think I'm blaming the workers for producing a shoddy product.  They do what they're told with the material and equipment they're given.  And if the boss says to cut the seams a quarter inch narrower to save a bit of fabric, they do it.  And if the boss says to set the sewing machine for eight stitches per inch to go faster instead of 12 to make a stronger seam, they do it. 

The point is, few will argue about the quality of the end product.  It's very often crap.  And that's the simple truth.  The colors fade, the stitching unravels, the buttons fall off, the zippers break. 

What's wrong with pointing out the obvious?

I happen to love the imported rayon dresses and skirts that are commonly found at the flea market, but I've learned to be very careful when buying them.  Often they have stains or fade streaks from being in the sun.  I check all the buttons, because even if I am perfectly capable of sewing on a loose one, I can't always match the missing ones.  And I'm not going to pay even $15 for something I essentially have to remake.

I don't buy appliances that don't work.  I don't by clothing items that are obviously poorly made.  I don't by rotten tomatoes or sprouted potatoes or moldy bread or bald tires.  Nor does anyone treat me like a leper for saying so.

But if I dare breathe a word about the absolute garbage that's being "published" these days by eager but woefully unskilled "writers," I'm called a hater, a bully, a scary troll, a jealous failed writer.  (Why would anyone be jealous of crappy writing?  Never mind.)

I don't care if it's a crocheted pot-holder (I've made more than a few of those in my lifetime) or an amethyst crystal wrapped in sterling silver wire (I've made quite a few of those, too)

 or a quilted jacket




or lathe-turned ironwood bowl

 or what it is.  If it's crap, it's crap.  Saying it's wonderful isn't going to make it so.

You win when you walk away

Yeah, no "word" in the title of this post.

But there are more words in that title, because the whole thing is, "You win when you walk away with your head held high and your integrity intact, and they can't follow you where you're going."

You don't win when you hang around the pigpen and play their dirty games with them.

If you've been following this blog at all, you know how I feel about trolls and book review stalkers and authors who pad their records with fake reviews and all that bullshit.  The advice is the same in all situations:  Don't, for the love of all that's good and light and wonderful, don't feed the trolls.

And whatever you do, don't lower yourself to their level.

Oh, I know how tempting it is.  I've spent many a night on the computer, arguing online with someone I knew was wrong, someone I knew I could persuade to see the issue -- whatever it was -- my way.  And you know what?  It never happened.

And sometimes I justified my efforts as being for the lurkers, so they didn't fall prey to the error of the other person's ways.  Every once in a while I'd get rewarded with an email or a posted reply from some sweet little lurker who appreciated my effort.  I'm not putting down those dear souls, because it is indeed gratifying to think that the effort wasn't entirely wasted.

The truth is, however, most of the time it's all mental masturbation, it's self-righteous exhibitionism.  I know I'm right and I really, really, really want everyone else to know it, too.

And they don't give a rat's ass, because they all know they're right, and they're entirely wrapped up in their own monologues.  No matter what you tell them, they aren't going to get it.  They aren't.  No, don't argue with me.  They aren't.

(Yeah, that was supposed to be mildly humorous. Ha ha.)

No matter how great the temptation, no matter how convinced you are that you have a moral obligation to get The Truth out there, your only path to victory is to walk away.  Do not engage them.  Do not feed the trolls.

No matter how well constructed your arguments are, no matter how air-tight your logic, no matter how much evidence you've stacked up, none of it matters.  (And here's where a word or two might come into play:  It's "evidence," not "proof."  You can present evidence that they've lied, evidence that they've taken comments out of context, evidence of anything, but evidence isn't proof.  Just sayin'.)

Now, I don't care which side you're on when you're reading this.  Again, it doesn't matter.  Each side, both sides, all sides are so thoroughly convinced of their own rightness, and so vested in maintaining that stance, that nothing is ever going to change.  It's not.

Yes, you can cite all the instances of writers, readers, bloggers, reviewers, editors, sock puppets, who have written stuff they're later so ashamed of that they take it down and then they have to be reminded that it doesn't matter, because the Internet, like a DeBeers diamond, is forever, and someone somewhere is certain to have a screen shot.  Writers who suddenly are made aware of the awfulness of their prose then clamor for Goodreads to delete their book, only be told nope, sorry, it's there and it's going to stay there.  And sometimes, it's true, they will sort of apologize.  But for the most part, confronting them in public is a waste of time.  They're as eager to save face as you are.  And why wouldn't they be?

If what they've done is so far over the line of civility as to constitute an actionable threat, then for crying out loud, take action.  Screen shot the evidence of threats, record the voice mails, wrap the snail mail letters in plastic and take it to the police.  Do not become a vigilante.

If it's not actionable, if it's not a threat, if it's not unlawful, then walk away from it.  Do not become a vigilante, because they have done nothing wrong.

If what they did was in violation of a website's Terms of Service, report them to the website.  The website has the authority to deal with issue.  If the website says it's okay, who are you to challenge them?  If you don't like it, walk away, hold your head up high, wrap yourself in a mantle of honesty and integrity, and walk away.  Do not become a vigilante on a site you don't own.

If you choose instead to become a vigilante, to take whatever law there is into your own hands, then you cannot cry out for the protection of that same law.  You have, after all, denied that protection to "them," so how can you -- without hypocrisy -- claim its protection for yourself?

You cannot complain that they are goading you and teasing you and bullying you, unless you steadfastly refuse to do the same to them.  Oh, I know, you're going to say you're doing it for the right reasons, you're fighting fire with fire, you're giving them what they deserve.  Where have we heard that before?  Oh, of course, those are all the same justifications "they" used when "they" started it.

I know it's difficult to ignore their lies, their taunts, their jeers.  I know there's a deep seated desire to challenge them, to prove them wrong and yourself right. 

But it isn't going to happen.  Oh, I know you think it will.  I know you think you've got right on your side.

"They" don't care about right or wrong.  They only care about getting attention.  You know that.  You know you know that.  But that little voice inside you is cheering you on every time you get out there in that forum or on that blog and proclaim The Truth.

And you know what?  You're probably 100% correct.  Your truth probably is the correct one.  You probably have far more evidence of their wrongdoing than they have of yours.  But it doesn't matter.  There is no victory in this battle, not until one of you refuses to fight.  Not until one of you says to the other -- and means it -- "You're not worth my time and effort.  I have better things to do."

They win as long as you keep fighting, because that's what they live for -- the fight itself.  They don't care about winning in a traditional sense; they just care about the fight.  As long as the fight goes on, they can't lose.

But if you win by walking away, that's the end of the fight.  And they've lost.