Daily life intrudes far too often,, disrupting my intentions and my efforts to escape the humdrum. Mired in the humdrum, I lose perspective. And that's what I need to regain. It's not always easy. The catch-44 of survival -- it's twice as bad as catch-22 -- dominates everything. Not just the sucky day job but the leaky faucet, the dogs' vaccinations, the aging HVAC system, the aging car, the taxes, everything. So I fall into bouts of situational depression, which are not alleviated by Zoloft or Xanax or any of those other miracle drugs that make the lousy world look better even when it isn't.
Not having a partner, I have to deal with all of this by myself. There's no one to talk to about it, no one to offer advice or distraction. So this coming Monday I'm driving down to Tucson with an artist friend, and that 90 minute drive each way will be our opportunity to hash out all our frustrations.
In some ways I shouldn't allow myself to get like this. My financial situation is not dire. My home is paid for and I have the income from social security that is sufficient for survival, if just barely. With the contribution from my roommate for groceries and utilities, plus my income from the day job, I am reasonably comfortable and can put something aside. Not much, mind you, but something. Barring any major unexpected expenses, I'm okay.
But I'm not happy. I'm not doing any of the things that feed my creative soul. That has to change.
So one of the things I did this morning to prime the creative pump, so to speak, was start reading one of the recently-published (by which I mean anything after 2005) historical romance novels I recently downloaded to my Kindle-for-PC. Two pages in, I knew it was crap. TWO PAGES. What is wrong with the romance writing industry? Does no one know how to write any more?
No, I'm not going to tell you what the book is or who the author is or anything else about it. But reading that piece of dreck, even just a couple hundred words of it, reminded me that I need to find a way to do more writing. Yes, this is a distraction, and yes, I should finish this stupid blog and get back to "real" writing.
Oh, and I got my 1099 from Amazon for my 2011 sales of Secrets to Surrender. That was an eye-opener, but at least I ought to be able to improve on that for 2012. Only if I get myself to work!